Mending a Broken Heart
You’ve been dumped.
Short of throwing yourself off the nearest bridge,
you resort to hiding in your bed for days, comforted
only by the fact that at least you have a year’s
supply of Moonpies by your bedside and your answering
machine is on the alert in the hopeful case that
your once loved one might call and beg to have
you back.
Only, that call never comes and that box of Moonpies?
It’s a constant reminder that the emptier it gets,
the more bloated you are. But, you don’t care.
You wish the earth would open you up and swallow
you whole. Sound familiar?
Cases like this happens everyday.
Falling in love has its risks and you’ve just
experienced it first hand. You want your life
back but don’t know the first thing about how
to get out of that black cloud that hovers over
you, or even finding the energy to do it.
What do you do?
Acknowledge the fact that you have to go through
three different stages during a break-up. Once
you realize this, you can chart your progress
and see that it’s only a short trip to recovery.
STAGE ONE – The Hurting Stage
Symptoms: This is the hurting stage. It’s where
you are now. It’s your heart’s way of telling
you that you have just experienced the worse kind
of hurt there is. You cry, you’re depressed and
you have no idea how you are going to live without
him/her. You leave messages on his answering machine
and text him to the point where you are becoming
psycho. You drive by his house in the wee early
morning to see if his vehicle is still at his
house or he is – gulp – off with another woman.
You drive by where he works and contemplate going
in and crying your eyeballs out to let him know
this has hurt you beyond repair. You either eat
tremendous amounts of comfort food or you don’t
eat at all and your health suffers. You cry on
your co-worker’s shoulders and hope they can help
you get out of this mess. You are, essentially,
gone and a hopeless mess.
How to cope: Now more than ever would be a good
time to hang out with friends and watch a few
comedies, even though you just aren’t up to it.
Rekindle family relationships. Talk to older family
members about how they met their husbands/wives
and how they coped with troubled relationships.
Gain insight from them. Try to remember things
that brought you happiness. Was it a bike ride
through the countryside? A trip to the beach even
in the cold of winter just to watch the waves
lap against the shore? How about that closet that
is in desperate need of rearranging/cleaning/sorting?
Now is the time to focus on you.
You have to acknowledge that this is the normal
process of grieving a relationship that has died.
Nothing can really help at this point because
as with the death of a loved one, this is the
same feeling. It’s a natural process. Give it
time and remember that soon you will enter the
second stage.
THE SECOND STAGE – The Getting Even Stage
Symptoms: Remarkably, when your heart begins to
heal, your hurt turns to anger. What nerve he/she
had to dump me! You vow you’re going to make his/her
life a living hell as long as you are alive. You
start dating. Only, these are rebounds. Rebound
relationships most times happen in this second
stage. Some last, but most do not for the simple
reason that you will do anything in your power
to inflict pain on the one who did it to you.
How to cope: Once you get to this stage, you’re
halfway there. Even though anger is not a healthy
feeling to have, it is a normal reaction after
you’ve gotten over the feeling of hurt. However,
instead of going postal and risk the chance you
may do something you’ll regret later, take his/her
picture and throw darts at it. Burn love letters.
Finalize the break-up by getting rid of everything
you have of his/hers. But keep in mind that years
from now, you’ll wish you did have some kind of
remembrance of the relationship because it’s all
part of your life history. Whatever you do keep,
look at it as a symbol of how well you did cope
and can look at the relationship as a learning
experience.
STAGE THREE – The Not Giving a Damn Stage
Symptoms: You wake up one morning and ask yourself
what you saw in this person in the first place.
Nothing he/she does now bothers you. In fact,
you are happy he/she has left because you are
ready now to form new relationships, new loves.
How to Cope: You are there. When you hit this
last stage, you have finally come to the point
where you can go on from here and form new relationships.
Relationships that aren’t rebound. When you finally
get to this last stage, you will become the person
you once were – full of happiness, hope and a
quest for life.
Once you realize the three stages of a break-up,
it helps you to understand the process that is
involved. Just as it took time to fall in love,
you don’t just fall out of it overnight.
It helps to remember that there will always be
a tomorrow and that there is always that second
chance to find that special person who is meant
to share his/her life with you. Life is full of
second, third and even more chances. So, pick
up your heart, go through the process to heal
and chalk it all up to experience. You’ll be glad
you did. In the words of an unknown author, “Never
forget what is worth remembering or remember what
is best forgotten.”
© Dorothy Thompson
About Dorothy Thompson
Author and soul mate expert Dorothy Thompson is
one of the nation’s leading authorities on soul
mates. Her book "Romancing the Soul" and ebook
"How to Find and Keep Your Soul Mate" are one
of the most comprehensive guides to explaining
what soul mates are really all about. Dorothy’s
relationship columns have appeared in publications
in the U.S. and abroad and has been quoted in
such books as “Mean Girls Grown Up: Adult Women
Who Are Still Queen Bees, Middle Bees, and Afraid-to-Bees”
by Cheryl Dellasega. She is a popular radio media
guest, appearing on such shows as Lifetime Radio,
Single Talk (World Talk Radio), Around2It, and
Cuzin Eddie Show with Penny Sansevieri and 850
KOA-AM (Clear Channel Radio with listeners in
38 states, Canada and Mexico) and other media
outlets.
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